Fearlesslee

Hey all! It's officially been 2 months! A lot has happened already. I'm just going to dive right in..

I started working! The first couple of weeks were professional development. We did a ton of training on the curriculum, systems and best practices for classroom management, and also some activities to help us get to know our co-workers. Many of the activities forced me to really get out of my comfort zone. One of our assignments was to make a road map depicting our path to teaching, specifically at our school. I knew I was going to start with my childhood and how my parents played a huge role in providing me with an endless amount encouragement and positivity. They believed I was capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to. When we were given the assignment, I instantly thought that this would be a perfect time for me to tell my co-workers about my birth defect. I knew they had noticed. And I know eventually the kids will have questions. I at least had mention it, especially with me being on this whole "fearless" kick haha. The only problem was, I had never talked about my birth defect in front of a group of people. Any time I ever talk about that part of myself I get extremely nervous and uncomfortable and I literally feel like running away. But enough was enough. I can't keep letting my insecurities stop me from sharing about myself. What if someone else could benefit from what I have to say? And I'm hiding it just because I'm insecure. If I'm not confident in who I am, how can I possibly tell my beautiful students to be confident and to love themselves. The fact is, I have a birth defect. My right arm is shorter than my left. It is curved at the wrist and is missing a thumb. As many times as I tried to pray it away as a kid (lol), it's not going anywhere. It's how I am. It's how I always will be. And it’s completely okay.

Anyway I rehearsed what I was going to say the days leading up to it and each time I did I stumbled over my words and the whole thing pretty much fell apart. I then thought it'd be best to write a script so that I didn't look like a deer in headlights up there. I practiced with the script, then realized if I was reading the script I'd never look up (which would have been perfect for me). But I wanted to be confident enough to talk in front of people and actually make eye contact with them. I wanted to be engaging. I threw the script out. The day came and I was incredibly nervous. I had no script. I had nothing I could stand behind to hide myself. Instead of praying for God to give me confidence, I was praying something would "come up" so that I didn't have to go up there and present. "Lord let there be a small fire and we all have to evacuate the building and go home. Let it be small though, no need for serious damage. I just need a minor distraction." I'm ridiculous, I know. Obviously the Lord ignored that prayer completely. My name was called, and I went up there and started talking. I felt my voice shaking, but I continued to talk. As I talked about my life and what lead me to where I am, I became less nervous. I got more comfortable and really felt like I was doing okay, not well, but okay. I'm not sure what I said but my co-workers smiled and laughed throughout the presentation. A few of them came up to me afterwards and told me they really enjoyed it. One even said she felt like she was at a stand-up show. So apparently I'm funny when I'm a nervous wreck? I don't know. I'm just glad I did it. Was it perfect? No. Far from it. Did I overcome my fear of public speaking? Also no. But I took a step in the right direction. Now my goal is to put myself in situations where I'm able to speak in front of people.

Other than that, I've been taking some really challenging and fun dance classes. If you've never heard of Delia Madera you should definitely look her up. She's a World Champion Salsa Dancer and gives classes here in the city. I leave her class feeling like I've had a work out to last me the entire week. I also made a spur of the moment decision to join a gym. I've never been an active gym member and also have never worked out on a regular basis so this is going to be a challenge. In attempts to become more disciplined, healthy, and develop a weekly routine, I figured joining a gym would be beneficial. Let's just hope I'm consistent and don't waste my money. Hold me accountable, y'all! Message me, ask me if I've been going. Tell me I need to get up and go! I promise I won't get upset. I need all the extra push I can get.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well! Thanks for reading about my crazy life. I hope you guys are challenging yourself to do things you've never done before; or maybe just challenging yourself to get out of your comfort zone a little. Start small, like I did. You won't regret it.

#LivingFearlesslee

A few pics I've taken recently:

Brownstones in Hamilton Heights. I hope to call one of these home one day. #Goals

Until then I’m high-rise apartment livin’. Got stuck on the elevator last week. Twas an experience.

Wandering around East Village (Bleecker & McDougal)

Mimosa from Caffe Reggio. Adorable cafe in East Village