Fearlesslee

Hi Fearless readers!

December, aka the best month of the year, has come to an end. I feel like I’m obligated to say that June is the best month of the year because it’s my birthday month. You’re like, SUPPOSED to love your birthday month, right? I do love June, but December is my absolute favorite. I mean HELLO?! I’ve got my favorite Christmas movies The Grinch and Home Alone, Christmas gifts from students, Christmas parties for the students (which means very unnecessary but much appreciated junk food for me), the LIGHTS, Mariah Carey Christmas album all month long, Stevie Wonder (all year long, because I love him), family time, friends, the overall feeling of love and joy… I could go on, but I’ll leave it at that. December is simply amazing. No argument there.

This December, however, has been rough. Work was the most stressful, grad school became an overwhelming cloud of anxiety that I chose to put on the back-burner, and I lost a friend who meant a lot to me. Everyone, at some point experiences loss. It’s apart of life. From time to time I think about losing people that I love, and contemplate how I will handle them no longer being here. I try to prepare myself for the worst, so when it comes I don’t completely fall apart. This particular situation was different though. My friend was murdered. A perfectly healthy human being; here one day gone the next. Here one minute, gone the next. It’s hard to wrap my head around that this of thing. And even though they caught the man who killed him, it doesn’t make this situation any more bearable. There are still unanswered questions, a lot of confusion, and a bit of anger as well. The whole thing is just incredibly unfortunate.

Aside from all of that, my year was an overall blessing. I was given the opportunity to move to the city of my dreams. I have a job that stresses me completely out, but that also is teaching me so much about myself and my career. I’m navigating the city better and better as the days go by. As you may recall, I used to get lost or turned around nearly everyday. And though I still get lost more often than I’d like to admit, it has become significantly less frequent. I also joined a church! And I attend regularly! You guys, consistency and follow-through is something I struggle with. I start something with so much hope and enthusiasm, but soon find a reason to fall off. It’s so terrible. But church has been something that I’ve tried to be consistent with. When I’m there, I’m reminded that even though my family and friends are far away, I am never alone. And when I feel unworthy or undeserving of His love or his blessings, He is right there to remind me that His love is unbounded; it knows no limits. #AMENFORHISETERNALLOVE

Speaking of falling off and inconsistency, the gym. I haven’t been. I don’t want to go. Shout-out to my friends Suzy and Christina for asking me how the gym was going. In my last post I asked you guys to reach out and remind me to get up and go to the gym! Suzy and Christina were the only ones who did. Honestly though, all 1,422 of my facebook friends could have reached out to me and I most likely STILL wouldn’t have gone. I can’t stand that place. Maybe in 2019. Not going to make it a resolution though. That’s like, setting myself up for failure. #Aintgondoit

2019:

organization - I’m generally unorganized and it seems to be one of the main causes of my stress.
self-care - I want to commit to getting massages more regularly. And to going to the doctor. Oh, and PEDICURES! These New York streets are unforgiving on your feet!
social life - “Leesa, stop being so reclusive. You need people. People need you!”
joy - there are many things in life that make me happy, but I want to experience true joy on a regular basis. That’s my prayer for 2019. I’m not sure where it went, but I want it back!
Continue living #Fearlesslee - As if moving clear across the country by myself wasn’t enough, I still feel like I need to do more, I need to see more. Not sure what exactly this entails, maybe a solo-trip somewhere. I don’t know, we’ll see!

What are your goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2019? What were your 2018 successes? What were your failures? Failures are just as important as your successes. Talk to me.