OklaHome

Well friends, it's been a few days that I've been back home. The month went by so quickly! I learned so much about myself while there. A few things I picked up:

1. I learned that it's okay to be alone. I was alone the majority of my time in the city. I occasionally hung out with friends and family, but for the most part it was just me; getting lost, wandering, wondering, learning, observing, reflecting...

2. I learned that your fears don't go away until you face them. I left Tulsa thinking I'd leave behind anxiety and fear; that I'd be a new person the minute I stepped off of the plane. I'm not sure why I thought that because those mental hangups came right along for the ride. I wanted so badly to stay in my room, watch netflix, write, read, and never leave the house. The thought of socializing with strangers was absolutely terrifying. I can't pinpoint why it is so scary for me, but I knew that I couldn't give into it. I forced myself to go to dance classes, parties, meetup groups, poetry nights, art shows, museums, church... all kinds of things. It was empowering! I never would have met such great people and had those experiences if I had stayed at home watching House of Cards and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (both really great shows, btw).

3. I learned that it's okay to want more for your life. Up until recently, any time I'd accomplish something or do something that made me happy, I'd almost instantly get hit with a sense of guilt. It's hard to put it into words, but there was an overwhelming feeling of unworthiness; like I didn't deserve anything positive coming my way. It was depressing and incredibly self-destructive. I used to shy away from putting my dreams out there, because I was scared of looking like a failure if, for whatever reason, they didn't work out. But really, look like a failure to who? Who is "that" concerned with your life? Your dreams, your desires, your goals... they belong to you. Take ownership of them! Run with them! Be bold in their pursuit! Don't be afraid to break out of your comfort zone! Don't be afraid to take risks! I'm so thankful to God for this experience. I know that that He has me covered no matter what direction I'm headed. As for now, I'm certainly praying that direction is up east! We shall see...