"why don't you love me?" part I

As many of you all know, I've always had a fascination with New York City. If you've read my previous blog posts, you'll know that it started when I first watched Home Alone 2 as a child. There was something intriguing about that little kid getting lost in such a larger than life city. In 2014 I visited the city for the first time. After coming home from that trip 5 years ago, I knew I wanted to be there. I made the decision to do everything I could to make my dream a reality. I started applying to teaching jobs in January of this year. I figured I'd apply to teaching jobs in January, get hired within a month or so, and start school year off in August without a problem. I knew it wouldn't be easy; I knew it would take a few tries before I landed one. But LET ME TELL YOU! This process is AGONIZING. Phone interview after phone interview. Rejection email after rejection email. There was one job I had applied for that I really wanted. It was with one of the most successful charter schools in NYC. The phone interview went great, the video interview went even better. I just knew I had it! I stopped applying to other jobs because I knew I'd get the offer email any day now. I waited a week, no email. Two weeks went by, nothing. I ended up emailing the recruiter and he responded almost immediately. His message was of course more professional but essentially it said "I thought I sent this to you weeks ago. We have chosen not to extend an offer to you at this time. I apologize for the delay, wish you the best!" I was devastated. I felt like Beyonce in that "Why Don't You Love Me" video. I wanted to call them back and recite the lyrics for them and then hang up. "Why don't you need me? Tell me baby why don't you need me, when I make me so d*mn easy to need!!!" I know it sounds dramatic but drama is my first response to almost any situation. 

Luckily, God gave me reasoning and sense. I'm usually able to talk myself out of my first mind. Also, my family was right  there to encourage me. They reminded me that rejection is not the end of the world. You take what you learned from the experience, apply it to the next experience, and keep going. Fast forward a few months. Spring Break rolled around and where did I go? You guessed it. My best friend (who is just as obsessed as I am) and I booked a trip to NYC. We stayed in South Bronx. The Bronx has a lot of negative stigmas surrounding it but we actually had a very pleasant experience there. On the last night there we stayed in the NYMA hotel. It was right next to the Empire State Building. The view from the roof was incredible.

Unfortunately none of the schools that I had done phone interviews with were able to schedule in-person interviews with me while I was there. On the last day, however, a school in Brooklyn emailed me an invitation to meet them two weeks out. It had happened! My first in-person interview! I was nervous and excited and a little scared. I had never really been to Brooklyn. I no nothing about navigating that borough. Every time I visit the city I stay in Harlem and most of my activities are in Manhattan. Brooklyn was a foreign land. But I accepted and flew up 2 weeks later. I had no idea what to expect. Thankfully I had a friend who works as an Academic Dean in the same school network give me some pointers on what they're looking for in their candidates. She stayed up late with me and we rehearsed my demo lesson several times. The next morning was the interview. I had to give a demo lesson to a group of first graders. After the lesson, the Principal talked with me about my delivery. He said that I wasn't loud enough when speaking to the kids, and that I needed to speak with more authority. He made me recite parts of my lesson several times. Each time he'd say "Okay, now say that again, but louder!" "Louder, that's the same volume!" or "Say it again, but make your directions more bulleted!" I know my voice doesn't carry, but my goodness. It had never been more evident than at this moment. It was the most bizarre experience. I felt like I was (poorly) auditioning for an acting role! It wasn't a negative experience, but definitely awkward. I left feeling dazed and a little shaken. Even still, I was proud of myself. I had taken part in my first interview in New York! I got back to Tulsa and within a week they emailed me saying I didn't get the job. I wasn't upset; I knew it probably wasn't a good fit anyway. I was, however, afraid that another opportunity would be hard to come by. Boy, was I wrong...