Wait... I live here?

If you've been following the blog since the beginning, you'll know that this particular post is a special one. For those of you just joining in, this post is special because it's being typed from the comfort of a twin air mattress (provided by my wonderful roommate) in the middle of my almost empty bedroom in Harlem. One of my biggest dreams in life was to one day live in NYC. I've finally made that dream a reality. This post is going to be all over the place, because that's exactly how I'm feeling. I feel like my world is exploding and building itself back together all at once. 

The Job Offer & My Delusions: At the end of May when I was offered the job, I never mentioned that it was pending a transcript review. I have my bachelor's degree, and have almost completed my Masters; but I wasn't sure what kind of GPA they were looking for. TRANSPARENT MOMENT: My Grad School GPA is excellent, no problem at all there. My undergrad GPA, however, was not at all something to brag about. I mean, it wasn't the worst; but it certainly wasn't the best. I excelled in some classes, but for the most part I was an AVERAGE student. Because of this, all summer I lived in fear that they would review my transcript and promptly send me an email stating "Upon reviewing your transcript, we've decided to retract the offer letter. We're very sorry, but best of luck in your future endeavors." Do any of you all do that? Make up worst case scenarios and drive yourself crazy? I do it all of the time; and then walk around anxiety ridden for days on end. It's a ridiculous habit that I should have broken a long time ago. I guess it's my way of protecting myself from heartbreak. If I've already prepared myself for the worst, when it comes I'm not too devastated. At the end of May, I picked up a part-time job at the home decor store, West Elm. I didn't tell them that I'd be leaving in 2 months, mainly  because in the back of my mind I believed there was a HIGH possibility that I wouldn't actually be moving after all. Luckily, the email that came after I sent in my transcripts was a "Welcome to the team" email.  I don't think I'd ever been more relieved. 

 Before The Move: During the month leading up to my move, I was able to spend a significant amount of time with my friends and loved ones. I didn't realize it until recently, but quality time is one of the things I value a lot. I appreciate being able to see the people I love. If they're happy I want to physically see it. If something has upset them, I'll be able to see it before they say it. I anticipate this to being the hardest thing for me in this transition; not being able to see friends and family as often as I'd like.  I also have to remember that I am no longer a Tulsa resident. I live here now. It will take time, but eventually I will make friends and "framily" here. I have to make sure that I'm always open to new positive friendships and connections. 

The Move: One thing that made this move easier was that my parents and brother flew up to help me. All I brought was 2 suitcases full of clothes and toiletries. Everything else I have to purchase. Let me tell you, in this city NOTHING IS SIMPLE. EVERYTHING IS DIFFICULT. Back home, making a Sam's or Wal-Mart run was a way of life. It was so convenient. You buy everything you need, load it up in your vehicle, and unload it when you get to your place. I left my car in Tulsa so that's no longer an option. Also there is no Sam's or Wal-Mart near me. There's a Costco though! My family has been a tremendous help making multiple trips to various stores (on foot!) so that I can have everything I need.  The big things, like furniture will have to be delivered. My mom was here doing what she always does; reminding me of all the many things that slip my mind. I was so concerned with purchasing a mattress that I forgot about sheets and pillows. I would have been sleeping on a naked mattress if it wasn't for her. My dad is determined to learn every part of my neighborhood. He has mapped out routes he'd prefer me to take when walking to work. His biggest concern is my safety, obviously. My brother was here conveniently handling the heavy lifting and providing all the moral support. He's honestly one of my biggest encouragers. I appreciate them so much. I commend those of you who moved away from home with no help at all. That takes an extreme amount of bravery and strength. I'm almost certain that if my parents wouldn't have been here, you guys would have seen me on the news laid out in the middle of Times Square; incoherent, curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth after a series of mental breakdowns. 

Right now I don't know how to feel. Being here is kind of surreal. It hasn't sunk in that I actually live here. It still kind of feels like I'm on one of my annual NYC trips. I have two weeks until I start working, so I have a little time to kill before my actual NYC life starts. Pray for me, you guys! I'm not sure what exactly I've gotten myself into, but I have no doubt this was the right decision for me. I made it, y'all! 

This is what my room looked like when I first moved in. Now there's a lamp, a fan, and a twin air mattress sitting in the middle of a full size bed frame lol. My apartment doesn't have central air, which has been nothing short of difficult to deal with.  Most of my time is spent in front of the fan.  For the first few days I slept with the window open. It helped out a ton, but eventually triggered a full blown allergy attack. I sneezed and blew my nose nearly 1000 times yesterday. It was awful! I plan on investing in a portable AC at some point because DIS AIN'T GON' WORK!

Anyway, I can't wait to show you all my room when things finally come together. Of course I'd love to buy everything I need all at once, but my bank account is currently sitting at a "quarter of a tank" lol. Slowly, but surely...